Day 31 – Thursday 14th July 2011

I had the opportunity to sit in with the one of the tutorial groups today.  These groups are not like our tutorial groups at home where we explore the academic subjects in more depth.  Most of the students here are far away from their families and friends so the groups are designed to be a bit like family groups, or homegroups.  The students are encouraged to get to know each other well and to offer each other support and encouragement.  They plan social events or outings as a group and they do some fundraising together.  It seems a good way to help the students cope, especially as many of them are very young.  That’s one of the differences I have noticed between those training here and those training at home - lots of us at home are a good deal older than the students training here. 

It was good to get to know the students a bit better, and they were very interested in life back in Scotland.  They wanted to know all about my family and the things we liked to do; about the house I lived in; and about the Scottish weather!!!  Funny that the weather is always on the agenda for discussion, no matter where you go. 

It’s still the cold season here – even though I am basking in the kind of sunshine that counts as a glorious summer in Scotland and there were a few shocked gasps when I explained this.  They said it’s been quite funny for them to see me walking about ‘half dressed’ when they are wearing coats, scarves, and gloves!!  ‘Half-dressed’, by the way, just means a short sleeved blouse and lightweight three quarter length trousers complete with sandals and sunglasses! But even then most days I feel roasted and quite glad to get into the shade when I can.  

The students were also quite amused at the thought of snow.  Most of them have never seen snow, and I suppose they never will.  I was trying to describe what life can be like when snow disrupts things, and they thought it was hilarious that the snow had been so bad it caused me to miss an exam before Christmas. As an aside - please pray for me to have a clear mind as I get stuck into some intense revision when I get back on 23^rd August as I will need to sit that exam on the 25^th August. I’ve a feeling that having a clear mind will still be a bit difficult at that point!!

As we chatted and laughed together the students told me about the picnic they were planning and asked me if I would like to join them for it.  They plan to go to a nice spot not too far from the college that has a river and a little waterfall.  The lecturer will take everyone in his pickup truck and his family will also join in.  I was chuffed to be invited as they are a lovely group and I’m sure we’ll really enjoy our day out together. 

And for me it will be so nice to do something fun and relaxing for a change. 

Day 30 – Wednesday 13th July 2011

I think I’ve mentioned Ryan and Molly to you before.  They are a young American couple who are working out here for a year and I’ve enjoyed getting to know them.  They are based here in Kitwe but spend a significant amount of time travelling to various Provinces in Zambia delivering theological training. 

Chatting with them has given me a good insight into the work they are doing here, and also into the selection and training processes of their churches too.  They are both ordained ministers – in different denominations!  And each has an interesting story about their call to ministry and their journey so far.  We also had a good long discussion about our reactions to being in Zambia and what our experiences are doing to our emotions and beliefs!! 

Being here definitely challenges lots of my previous understanding and views – from political systems to aid relief to charity to the value of human life and much more besides.  I am certainly asking lots of big ‘faith’ questions and, if I’m honest, sometimes I don’t like the answers I am coming up with.  But I know without doubt that I will be going home with an even deeper and more rounded faith than I had when I arrived here.       

I am also asking questions about ‘me’ and who I really am, because being here and seeing some of the stuff I am seeing makes you look deeply at yourself and your reactions. It’s one thing to see some of this stuff on TV or to read about it – it’s quite another to hold someone’s hand and look into their eyes as they sit just a foot away from you.  And it’s even tougher when you know they are looking right back - directly into your own eyes.  Because there’s no hiding place at that point.  They know and you know what the score is, and you can’t pretend it’s anything else.    

I’ve found myself feeling deep heart-wrenching pain here because of what I see.  Every fibre of my being just longs to respond and reach out to these people.   

And that’s why I know I am going to find it so hard to come home.    

It’s really difficult to try and explain things sometimes and, as I’ve said before, there is a great deal going on in my mind and heart, but most of what I’m thinking and feeling will never be shared on this blog.  It’s just too hard and too personal.  Perhaps I’ll be ready to talk about some of it with you when I’ve been home for a while and have started to deal with it myself. 

Yet, in all truth, I think there are some things I’ll never be able to share. 

I’m just grateful I have a loving and faithful Lord who understands all of this fully, and who will show me how to use these experiences for good purposes.    

Day 29 – Tuesday 12th July 2011

A new day after a long, restless night.  As you will be able to imagine, breakfast did not hold much appeal so I just made a slice of toast as I have to take my anti-malarial tablet with food.  With that done I headed to the college chapel.  The service starts at 6.45am but the students are there from around 6.15am.  I was among the first to arrive and I appreciated just sitting listening as they sang worship songs before the service began. Some of the tunes were familiar even if the words were not, and I think that helped me to settle down a bit. 

 

After the service I joined the Church Polity class which I found really interesting and informative.  The students are undertaking a detailed study of the constitution and structure of the United Church of Zambia and we had a lively discussion about baptism and church membership.  I don’t imagine my own studies at home will encompass the practicalities of conducting mass baptisms by immersion in the local river or how to baptise if there is absolutely NO water – but this class has equipped me well if ever that need arises!!!

It’s been quite an eye opener here to see how seriously church membership is taken.  There is a clear expectation that the vows taken will be honoured, and people seem to accept that if they commit to membership they commit to active participation.  Everyone seems to be involved on one way or another and they seem to appreciate each other’s ministries. 

People are encouraged from the outset to find their place, whether that is in the Women’s or Men’s Christian Fellowship, the Girl’s/Boy’s Brigade or one of the choirs etc.  Every week visitors are asked to stand up during the service and they are introduced to the congregation and invited for tea with the hospitality team afterwards “so we can get to know you and help you find your feet and settle in”.  Elders lead bible study in their districts every week, with the district split into cells and all having the opportunity to attend.  From what I can see most people attend without complaint. 

And many people are involved in leading worship - this is a church that relies heavily on lay people playing their part.  Ordained clergy often have many congregations to look after and will therefore often have to focus on the Sacraments meaning that worship truly is the work of the people.  I know one minister who has fourteen preaching points to take care of, and that is not uncommon here. From what I can gather most have at least six or seven.  

Now...it was exciting stuff after class – a trip to town to see if Immigration would renew my visa or send me home!!!  It’s really strange to think that I can’t just stay here because I want to.  Standing in line I had a wee moment of wondering what I’d do if my renewal was refused.  I was very aware that I am depending on getting permission to stay based on an understanding that I have no right to be here and that I will abide by strict conditions as long as I am here.  Well, I’ve behaved and not offended anyone (that I am aware of!) so my visa was duly renewed for another four weeks. That means another renewal will be needed to allow me to complete my ten week placement.  And I must say I breathed a little sigh of relief when that big stamp landed on my passport to declare I could stay.  That was a good moment. A very good moment.  

I ended the day with good company and good food.  The Dean of the Faculty had invited me to her home for dinner and we had a great time together.  We spoke about many things, including my placement and training, her work here at the college, our backgrounds and how we had each been called into ministry.  And as our relaxed evening progressed I was once again asked seriously if I would consider coming back here to serve as a minister….. mmm. This is becoming a regular occurrence.

By the end of the evening we each felt that we had been encouraged and blessed by our time together, and we happily exchanged contact details and prayed we would have many more opportunities like this evening in the future.   

And only God knows if that will be in Scotland or in Zambia.  I can happily live with that. 

Day 28 – Monday 11th July 2011

I was a bit disappointed that the HIV/AIDs class was cancelled today as the lecturer is sick.  As it turned out the class being cancelled enabled me to go to one of the compounds with Jenny.  She is working with a women’s group there, and they are developing an income generation project as well as looking at ways they can refurbish and improve their meeting place.  The women are also trying to encourage new women to join their group.  

We set off in Jenny’s truck for the long and bumpy drive to the compound.  I am getting quite used to sitting in the open back – and it gives me a great opportunity to see lots as we drive.  I just keep laughing at the thought of the sight of me clambering in and out of it though.  Not a pretty sight by any stretch of the imagination, but for me it’s wonderful.  Just a few years ago clambering in and out of bed was a difficult enough task, so to be sitting in the back of a truck in Zambia makes me want to praise God loudly and frequently!!!

Anyway, the women’s group. Jenny introduced me to the women and we were soon all chatting and laughing together.  The group’s chairwoman opened the meeting with a prayer before getting out her agenda and leading the women in discussion.  

After the meeting the women were keen to show me around their compound.  It’s one of those places you find yourself looking at with mixed feelings.  I know it’s their home but I found it such a hard place to be. 

As I walked down the ‘street’ the men mostly sat around talking.  Some gathered around a draughts board drawn onto a piece of cardboard and they moved the bottle tops purposefully over the black and brown squares. Many men just sat in the drinking places gulping the local brew that is a concoction of all sorts, but has the desired effect of inducing inebriation.  And sometimes the undesired effect of death.   The women were busy attending to their cooking or the stall they set up at the entrance to their house.  Laundry adorned almost every tree or bush in sight.

And the children… I saw children everywhere I looked and soon had a huge crowd of them following me.  Some were playing with sticks or empty plastic bottles.  On little boy had made a toy car out of an empty milk carton.  Another was proud of his toy – a toothbrush which he held tightly as one of the others tried to take it from him.  And as I walked I soon had a huge crowd of children following me everywhere. 

My new friends showed me the whole place – including taking me down to the river where a fifteen year old boy was nearly taken by a crocodile just a few weeks ago.  He had dipped his hand into the water and found himself caught in the jaws of a crocodile that was determined to feed.  The boy managed to escape from the crocodile’s jaws but lost an arm in the process.  Yet another example of the realities of life here.

As I stood and listened to this I watched the children playing around our feet at the water’s edge.  And I watched the small boat ferrying people across to the other side of the river; to the place where they hope to grow food on the fertile ground.  Over the river they need to cross several times each day if they are going to tend crops there.  Over the river that is home to at least one hungry crocodile. 

There is food growing on this side of the river, but I don’t suppose the women tending the rows of crops will be getting much in the way of good nutrition for their efforts.  No matter how closely I looked I couldn’t see anything other than onions and what appeared to be similar to lettuce leaves.

As we walked back to the compound I was struck by the number of babies being carried by children who were little more than toddlers themselves.  Children as young as four or five had younger ones in their care, and it was heartbreaking to see them carrying the wee ones.  All too common a sight with parents working or dead and no social services to step in and help.  One little group of children were typical of what happens here.  Out of the five of them two were HIV positive, and having lost their parents to AIDS they were living with their elderly grandmother who was struggling to care for them. She was also caring for other grandchildren who had also been orphaned.     

The women took me into one of their houses.  Two rooms.  A roof that had massive holes in it.  A curtain for a door.  And several plaques hanging on the wall with quotations from Scripture in bold lettering.               

I’d lots to think about as we made our way back to the rest of the group.  And then it happened.  I saw the little boy of about three or four years old.  He was rummaging about in the long grass and then he stopped and put something in his mouth.  A grasshopper.  This little lad was foraging for food and eating what was available.  I was rooted to the spot for a minute, and I blinked hard trying to get rid of the picture blazing before me of the juicy steak I had eaten the previous evening when I broke my fast. I had enjoyed that steak so much, and now the taste of it came back and made me want to vomit violently.  I stared at that little boy and - not for the first time here - I felt ashamed and heartbroken.  How can we be satisfied to live in a world of plenty and consume so much of its resources for ourselves while others starve?  How can we even dare to call ourselves Christians when we allow this to happen?        

We joined the rest of the group who were still sitting in the nsaka – a round structure with a grass roof and dirt floor.  And sitting right there on a mat laid out on the dirt I listened as the chairwoman offered prayers of praise and thanksgiving. Prayers that praised God for his goodness and faithfulness and for all of the blessings that come from his hand.  I sat and listened with a sense that these prayers were coming from her heart, and I thought about the buns we had brought knowing these women would not have eaten so far that day.  I thought of the little boy eating the grasshopper.  I thought of the steak.  

And at that moment I found it difficult to feel worthy enough to even begin to praise God.  

Day 27 – Sunday 10th July 2011

Another packed Sunday morning service at St Margaret’s.  It is really encouraging to see so many people of all ages at cramming into church together because they want to worship and hear the Word preached. 

It’s not something I’m used to – or not on this scale anyway.  I know many people back at home who are passionate about their relationship with the Lord, and who are deeply hungry for growth in that relationship.  Indeed, some of those people have been instrumental in helping me to grow in faith and come to the point where I also have that deep hunger.  Worshipping with such faithful Christians at home has convinced me that when the media rambles on about ‘the death of the church’ or questions its ‘relevance to modern society’ then it is just that – rambling!! 

But to see the sheer numbers that come to church here and to see them worship with such joy and passion is very moving.  Even in the small communities I’ve visited there is a widespread eagerness to be part of the church that has somehow been lost for us at home.  I don’t know why this is the case and it’s been interesting to try and work it out.  When I spoke to Joseph, a young man in his early twenties who is an active member, I asked him what he liked about coming to church and being part of things here – and his reply took me a bit by surprise.  If I asked the same question at home I’m sure the answer would revolve around fellowship and belonging.  Joseph’s reply, however, was short and to the point.  Without hesitation he said “I like praying and worshipping God.”  

I have to say, his reply really made me wonder if there is now something about the way we ‘do church’ that is self-centred rather than completely God-centred.  How many times do we go home thinking about what we got out of the service rather than what we offered to God?   How often do we grumble that we did not like the hymns – they were too new/too old/just not our thing? How often do we just truly worship at our ‘morning/evening worship’ service?  Do we sometimes get so caught up in the details that we forget the purpose for our being there in the first place?  

I’m not saying we don’t worship.  It’s just that what I’ve seen here does not try to fit worship into a neat little hour on a Sunday that sometimes has more to say about our concern for ourselves than our need to worship the one true Living God.  And perhaps it's our failure to get past our own needs that puts so many people off wanting to be part of the church. Sadly, sometimes one look at what they'd be joining is enough to put them off.  Why should that be when one look should make them also want to worship the Lord?

Well, that’s my thought for the day at least.  And you don’t have to agree, but the longer I am here the more convinced I am becoming that worship and prayer are the most important activities we can be involved in.   

  

Stopping now.  This is beginning to sound a bit like a sermon.  Nite nite all.

Day 26 – Saturday 9th July 2011

After enjoying a nice long lie – I didn’t get up until 7.30am – I had a leisurely breakfast and as there was nothing specific planned for the day I was able to enjoy chatting with some of the students.  Around mid-morning I went to the library and spent some time checking out the news websites to catch up on what was going on in the rest of the world.  It was nice to have an uninterrupted network connection for a wee while!!

 News update completed, I decided to have a stroll in the sunshine.  Luciano, who works in the library, had been chatting to me for a while as the library was quiet.  In fact I was the only one there!  He was finishing his shift so decided to walk with me as I was just going around the campus.  As we walked and talked another aspect of life in Zambia unfolded.

Luciano spoke about his passion – the ministry he is involved with in a small community about an hour’s walk from here.  He is the pastor of the church there, and has a real desire to see this community grow and develop.  As he spoke about the community it was clear that he cares a great deal about those he ministers to.  He smiled broadly as he told me about the children who attend Sunday School and about the women and men who come together for worship and who want to help their church make a real difference in their community.

And he told me about the water.  Or, more correctly, about the lack of it.  This community has existed and survived for more than twenty years with no access to running water.  Each day women and children walk to a natural well some distance away so that they can draw the water their families need.  

I tried to imagine that as he spoke.  No tap to turn on when you want a drink of water.  No tap to turn on when you want to cook.  No plentiful supply of water when you want to do the laundry.  No cistern to flush.  No hosepipe to connect for watering the garden or washing the car.  Just a long tedious walk instead and the ‘pleasure’ of carrying back a heavy container several times a day.  And then after the walk the ‘joy’ of boiling the water before it can be used for drinking and cooking.  Or from, what Luciano was saying, perhaps not.  Many people just end up using the water as it is, straight from the ground, complete with the potential for disease.  Yeah, real pleasure and joy.    

This church and pastor have vision though.  They have been meeting every morning at 5.30am to worship the Lord and pray that the efforts they are making in saving up to install one solitary tap in the community will be fruitful.  They have been trying to pool their resources by saving a few Kwachas here and there for nearly a year now and they are still less than halfway to their target amount.  If they can raise enough money the local water authority will connect them to the existing supply by running a pipe from the main supply into the village and setting up a standpipe.   

Luciano’s eyes lit up as he spoke about the difference that this one solitary tap would make to the whole community.  There would be clean, safe drinking water available for all.  There would be no more long walks. And the Sunday School children could properly water the vegetable patch they look after.  And plentiful water would make the possibility of rearing chickens a reality, and this in turn would generate income and promote more self-sufficiency.  There would be employment for the person they will get to look after the tap and monitor its use.  And there would be so many more positive effects. 

So many things – all just because of one small water tap.  One precious source of life.  But still just a dream for this community and this visionary pastor.  No wonder they feel it is important to start each and every day with worship and prayer.  And they are moving in faith.  The men are already digging the very long trench that will contain this much prayed for water pipe.  

And it was right back on the emotional roller coaster for me when I asked Luciano about the costs involved.  I was assuming that not even being half way after saving for a year meant that the project was expensive.  I was knocked for six when I did a quick currency conversion and realised that this project depended on them raising just another £60.  A measly £60.  Only £60 more to transform a community. I am ashamed to admit I have often spent more on a nice ‘treat’ that in the big scheme of things was definitely not necessary.  And here they are, saving for a year as a community and amassing £60.  It’s a different life indeed.  As I struggled to get my emotions under control I knew this was something my family and I could help with.  And then I remembered my own prayers of late and I simply gave thanks for answered prayer and the opportunity to respond again and do something that would help to make a difference.

I had a quiet, contemplative afternoon then was delighted to have an early evening visit from the boys who came to ask for help with school fees.  They wanted to show me their report cards and to tell me that they have been selected to represent their school in a competition next week.  They are so delighted that they can continue at school - at least for the time being – and they are really looking forward to taking part in this competition.  Let’s pray they enjoy the experience.  

And to top off the day I enjoyed dinner with Jenny and Adrian – followed by watching 2 episodes of Star Wars!!! What a day.

Day 25 – Friday 8th July 2011

Well - after an interesting evening of sermon writing I fell into a deep and restful sleep, and when my alarm went off at 5.15am I bounced out of bed full of energy.  Not!!  I got to bed later than I’d have liked and dragged myself out of bed with ‘sufficient’ time to prepared myself for leading morning worship in the college chapel.  I did actually sleep well, helped by the fact that I knew others were also praying about the service I would be leading later. 

Morning worship was good.  I enjoyed leading the students and was glad that one of them had helped me choose a suitable Bemba hymn.  Like any congregation they seem to have their favourites because I recognised the one he chose as one we’d sung a few times!

The day felt quite relaxed as I pottered about the house and then went for a cup of tea with a neighbour.  It was good to chat with her about her family and life here, and what had brought her to this place.    

I decided to get to church nice and early so that I could make sure I was organised in good time.  I had a look around with Boniface so he could make sure I was happy with things.  I checked out the steps into the pulpit and stood there looking out over an empty church.  Massive!!! So many seats!!!

Ok.  As I came back down the steps Trudy, an elderly member of the congregation came in and wandered up to greet me.  She had the most wonderful smile, and she shook my hand vigorously.  Then she said she wanted to pray with me and proceeded to pray with great passion and enthusiasm. 

The service went well, and all of those present seemed to appreciate having the opportunity to come together.  I found it a bit strange for a few minutes when the man who had a video camera started filming me, but I just focused on what I was saying and soon forgot he was there.  I didn’t see a reporter taking notes so maybe the paper will not be running a story after all.  Whew!  That’s good.

I had to do a neat bit of time management though, as the political leaders who were praying offered very lengthy prayers and the Mayor spoke at great length about the importance of coming before God to pray for the elections!!   Still. I managed to ensure we were finished in time  - with just ten minutes to spare before the evening service started.     

I’m sure there a lots of things I’m going to remember about m time in Zambia.  And this service will feature because of something pretty unexpected.  Near the end of the service I realised afresh just how much I love my husband’s thoughtfulness and support.  And now you are asking yourself what triggered that thought, aren’t you?  Well, as I was preparing the service I had chosen two hymns that fitted well with the theme of the service and checked with ‘XXXX’ and ‘XXXX’ that these would be ok.  Now, as you can see, I’m not mentioning names here because I am too kind to embarrass anyone deliberately, but both of them assured me these were well known and would be fine.   The first hymn was not too bad – I started singing and then people took a few seconds to join in, but that seems fairly normal here.  Someone usually leads the singing and then, after the first line or so, the others all join in.  So that was fine - one hymn sung ok, and just one more to go at the end of the service.  There are usually only two hymns because choirs play such a big part in worship. 

And at the end of the service the second hymn was well known indeed – but only by me!!!  I started singing, and I thought ’they’ll join in …in a minute ... just keep going… they’ll join in…keep going…’ Nope.  How wrong was I?  Not a soul joined in, and I ended up singing a complete solo from the pulpit.  Now that definitely was NEVER in any of my plans.  As I ‘kept going’ I was so grateful to Albert for gift of the singing lessons he had organised for me because he thought they might be useful and help me to feel more confident in leading worship.  Well those lessons certainly proved invaluable, as I was able to ‘keep going’ and do something that I could never have imagined myself doing in a month of Sundays.  He’s just brilliant in so many ways, my Albert, and always so supportive of me and what I am doing.  And I can’t put into words how much that means to me.        

I think I must have been more tired than I realised because after I got back and had a quick chat on Skype with Albert I promptly fell asleep and missed my dinner appointment with Jenny! 

Oh dear, sorry Jenny. 

But thanks everyone for your prayers – I had a real sense of peace throughout the preparation and the service itself.  

Day 24 – Thursday 7th July 2011

Was glad to have a quiet morning in the library.  I managed to do some reading and some journalling.  I need to make sure I keep on top of the journal or I’ll end up forgetting to include important learning points.  And it’ll be great to have a detailed record of what’s been going on in my mind as I encounter all of this new stuff. Some of the stuff I’m including in my journal makes it onto this blog – most of it does not.  All of the candidates have to keep a journal.  It is supposed to help us think about what effect our learning is having in helping to shape our ministry, so some of the stuff gets pretty personal.  For instance, I’ll record how my theological understanding is being shaped by what I am doing, and my thoughts and feelings about things I have found either helpful or difficult.  Sometimes I write about questions I have found myself asking, and how these relate to my faith and ministry.  Sometimes it is about what new things I have had to do and what I learned as a result, or it might be about what I have realised I still need to learn or practice.  So all in all I’m doing a lot of writing as well as lots of activities!!    

After writing many words (!) it was time to go for my supervision session with Rev Musaba.   This proved to be interesting.  When I arrived he was speaking with a woman who had come to make final arrangements with him for a special service.  Zambia will be having elections soon and the service will focus on praying for free and fair elections and for peace during the campaigning and election period.  Great idea - and I was even more impressed when I heard that other Christian denominations here have agreed to take part.  This ecumenical service will make a strong statement.  I must admit I smiled broadly when I heard that local civic leaders and political parties were also participating.  I somehow can’t imagine UK political leaders coming together publicly in a Christian service to pray about the elections!! Now…maybe there is something to learn here…mmmm.

Anyway, the preparations all seemed to be about finalised when Rev Musaba smiled at me and said he felt this was a service I should preach at.  It took me a minute to realise what he was saying.  Then I gulped.  This service will be happening in less than 24 hours.  They expect a large turnout – there will be numerous local ministers attending – they have already said there is likely to be some media interest – and he wants me to preach!!   

Ooohhh…Time to pray!!!   And attend the two hour long evening service before I can go back and do any preparation.  Looks like a long night ahead.

Day 23 – Wednesday 6th July 2011

The realities of living here came home to me in a new way today.  Jessie arrived promptly as usual but seemed a bit quieter than normal as we shared breakfast.  She went about her work with the same care and attention as always but I just felt something was not quite right with her. 

I wondered if she was feeling ok but she assured me she felt well enough.  The children were fine too.  When I managed to get her talking she told me she had got out of bed to find pretty well everything had been stolen from her home overnight.  Someone had come in when she and the children had been sleeping and cleared out their possessions.  Clothing, kitchen items such as plates and pans, and even her small cooker were all taken.

She was clearly devastated, and as we spoke she just kept on saying “it’s all gone…everything’s gone.” And then she would add, “but God is good, he will provide.  He always provides.”  It’s tough holding back tears.  I just kept on thinking about Jessie and the children waking up to such a loss.  She kept on trusting in God’s provision.  She says that she won’t report this.  No, probably not.  Instead she will just find a way to get back on her feet.   

Later that morning I found it completely ironic that my replacement cooker arrived.  It’s from one of the empty properties, and let’s just say it was not the cleanest thing I’ve ever seen.  I was leaving to go to the library when the electrician arrived with it.  I came back half an hour later to find Jessie scrubbing it clean, having refused to let the electrician fit such a mucky cooker in my house.  More thoughts of the children – who now have no cooker – as I gazed at Jessie generously making sure my cooker would be fit to use even although she knew hers was gone. 

I spent the afternoon preparing for a supervision meeting and preaching, but the past few days have been pretty hard in some ways, and concentrating on my preparation took a bit of effort. I did manage to complete everything before I went off to the evening service, but I came home and went to bed with lots of questions bouncing around in my head.   

Day 22 – Tuesday 5th July 2011

Another interesting day as I went back to the main market in town Market with Ann (my American friend who is teaching about social work and development) and her cleaner, Violet.  We were searching for some chitenge (the cloth wraps that Zambian women wear and use for carrying things and babies on their backs) and having Violet with us was a really good idea.  She knew the best stalls to head for – ones where we would get a good selection of fabrics and she also made sure that we got them for a fair price.  There seems to be a tendency for the local stallholders to expect the musungos (white people) to pay well over the odds for goods.  It was interesting to see how Violet gave them short shrift when they asked for too much.  Sometimes the initial price asked for was two or three times the price that Violet agreed on eventually. 

It is not hard to understand why they try to sell for vastly inflated prices.  After all, if you are struggling to make ends meet day by day then looking at someone who has access to enough resources to come halfway across the world must make you believe they have almost infinite wealth.  And by that reckoning then surely they can afford to pay good prices.  And can I really argue? 

There’s a real problem with this though.  Yes, I can pay an inflated price for something and that stallholder will go home with a few more kwachas that day – but what does that achieve in the longer term?  What unjust and unfair systems and structures does paying over the odds challenge, let alone change.  It’s a despicable fact that around seven in ten people in this country live on less than a dollar per day – that’s only about 60p per day.  That’s right - food, clothing, accommodation, healthcare, education and a whole host of other things on 60p a day.  Explains why for many people some of these ‘essentials’ are more like desirables.

Mmm.  As you might guess from that wee rant I am beginning to be very aware of the mix of feelings simmering away inside me.  Every now and then a little bit of anger and big bit of shame surfaces about how we – yes, you and me – contribute to the situation here.  Now I just need to make sure I do something positive with these feelings.  There will be a way.  God will make it possible, and will show me how. 

I refuse to be untouched and unchanged by the dreadful poverty that is so heartbreakingly difficult to observe at close quarters.

A couple of hours after I wrote the words you have just read there was a knock at my door.  A couple of boys I’ve been chatting to regularly came to ask if I could help with their school fees.  If they can’t pay the fees they can’t go back to school.  Simple as that.    Their parents died a few years ago and they are being cared for by their elderly grandmother.  It’s hard for her to provide all that they care for Fees are a big issue here yet the help they were asking for is a small amount to me.  Education is surely one of the stepping stones out of poverty, and as I headed to the evening service I prayed that these boys will continue to be able to attend school long after I leave this place. 

So, way number one shown and followed.  Wonder what will be next.